Happy new Yeaaaaaaaaaaare!
Hello beloved Baths And Beer blog readers. I wish you a healthy and fun filled 2011, stuffed with a ton of loving and laughing and epicurean delights!
I preface this post with a creative and creepy dream I had last night. Actually, it was the impetus to start writing again. So I am happy to be here, typing away, instead of agonizing on my next plan of attack for 2011.
In the dream I decide to stop my diddle daddling in Canada, go back to India without any real plans and live it up, this time in the south.
In the dream I decide to stop living in my head and start living out my dream of being the adventure-filled globe-trotting person that I desire to be. I am in some type of outdoor specialty shop, searching for a new back pack(think Moutain Equipment Co-Op or The North Face).
In the dream I am still very much in my head, thinking 'ah fuck it, stop worrying about finding love, about getting married, about having kids, about learning Hindi, about gluttonous pig out sessions, about finding the ideal teaching gig, just be, gosh, B!' I walk towards a wire bin full of back packs...
In comes a man with a gun. He is dressed like he is about to climb a mountain. The gun is futuristic looking, a brushed silver and mat navy blue, with a wide barrel. He shoots at nothing and a spray of white smoke comes out. Next the smoke materializes into a jacket, then pants, then hiking boots. I look up this outfit and see a man(not a real man, real looking but I know he is a robot) in the hood of the gortex jacket. The robot then pulls out his hand from his jacket pocket, brandishing a similar looking gun and points it at me. Again not a bullet comes out but a pffffffft sound accompanied by white smoke. I try to run out of the store, but my legs are not following my brain. I finally get to the exit and open the door, but once I do another mountain hiking robot is there to greet me and shoots the pfft smoke in my face... all I can think about as I feel myself falling into a fateful slumber and slow motion crumbling onto the sun lit sidewalk is that I wasted SO MUCH FUCKING TIME WORRYING about the FUTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up in a mood. Did I just die by some strange smoke robot? Why? F- the Universe cares not for why. Why is not important. But because of this dream I decide to stop worrying.
Being unemployed with no foreseeable prospects is a reality that I am struggling with. Yeah, to the onlooker it could look like a ton of fun to wake up whenever, do whatever, and go to bed whenever. Yet there is a pressure in all my freedom.
Every day is a gift, right?
I spent New Years eve and day at my best friend's parents cottage. We came back to Ottawa late Monday night, to yellow crime scene tape and a couple cop cars at her apartment building. The basement tenant was stabbed to death and was found outside the building new years day. It's an ongoing investigation. No one really knows what happened. When your time is up, your time is up, I guess.
Every day is a present, indeed.
So, my 2011 is about adventure and uncertainty. I'm going to be that Hindi speaking, Life adoring, Dosa eating, Children teaching, and Portrait photographing individual that I wish to be.
Stability can wait. And I already have a back pack.