yadda yadda yadda im really tired today

jeez,m why did i even bother. the thought and anticipation was better than the real thing. the actual moment was disspointing and ultimately a bit soporific, also it gave an a headache.
im good for a little while now. the confidence is back, the sexy is back. now i want the chef!

the cliches of good food vs sex

everyone. its true. its blatant and bold and honest. the mouth orgasm that i lived at juliette et chocolat tonight. the mouth experience i was lucky enough to witness at laloux a few weeks ago.
today was a great day, it took me a while to get moving but once i got air in my tires i was good to go! a dude stopped his car and told me i was and i quote, not paraphrase, but quote verbatum "exceptionally breathtakingly beautiful'. wowsers, that doesnt happen every day.... and an excoworker turned buddy told me i was a rare spirit that lights a room. gee, i didnt realise the effect i have on people. and to think im serially single and waste my time on morons that dont know their ass from their face! bisous a bientot
B

d-tox day 1. fashion fetish this week, the necklace

ok im doing it. i always talk about it but this week wild rose is taking me on a ride baby!!! and this week's fashion pull is the necklace. for a month now i give myself wardrobe challenges, wear dresses all week, wear tshirts all week. this week its necklaces. peace!

Oh Miles, Milesy, Milesy boy! You will always be the one.

Here we are, Miles and I, together for another few hours then I bring him to work and putting him down. He looks so good right now too,thats the killer. he's purring and alert and gorgeous, like a panther. and all I want to do is sleep and be with him for his last few moments.
it makes me feel strange to know what he doesn't know. that feels odd somehow.and the guilt is horrible, I had nausea all day about it.
I bought some champagne and I plan to commemorate his life because I love him dearly, my little Milesy. My Milesy boy. Miles the terrible, the beautiful, the tortured and the regal. Thank you Miles for moving everywhere with me, for putting up with all my crazy boyfriends, for purring and loving me. Thank you for surviving the mercurial life you have had, and for having a great name that suits you soooooo well. You will forever be my password, my goto. thank you for the 11 years Miles. Now tell me its alright to let you go. look in my eyes and in your feline way show me you love me and forgive me. show me I was a good mother and a proper pet owner. I love you Miles
B*

today anxiety ruled my morning

i woke up, looked at my clock and thought, no. i dont want to get out of bed today. sure sign of avoiding responsability, of falling into a depression. all i wanted to do was sleep sleep sleep the day away. i was on line at the bank and it hit me, slow and insidious like creeper weed. a high you cant get rid of and wish you had never signed up for, regretting that toke. thats how i felt. i embark on a myriad of projects and they themselves at once elate and frigthen me. the business idea, my creative writing idea, my going back to school idea. euthanasing my cat, paying my taxes, packing to move out... ahhhh!! breath and reboot. so i got on line and applied for universities, i collected my tax papers, i moved a little and organised a little. i paid my hydro and my visa bill. i made dinner and charged my phone.
jusqu ici tout vas bien..
B*

non, rien de rien

i cried tonight. cried at the beauty, the vulnerable beauty of a woman who loved 100%. a woman with passion in her heart. with song in her heart. with pain in her heart. a woman with intergrity of spirit and true knowledge of her self. thank you tanya for a lovely night. thank you for being so frank with me and telling me the things i cannot tell myself.
its so clear, really. whatever you want in life, put it out there. if your think you can't your right, if you think you can, you're right. might as well think you can, right?
sweet dreams

who knew

that i would take the plunge and write my vulnerable persona? who knew that this was the beginning of something real and raw and true. i love my job, i love my cats. i love my mum and sis and i love my friends. thank god Im healthy and smoke free. so many more happy days to come i feel it! i want love but i cant slow down. i need love but not enough....